Descending..

I messaged her this morning. I called her and spoke to her while she was waiting outside the gate for someone. I saw her, just this morning, just a few hours ago. She was smiling and talking to me. She was happy to speak to me, and sad that she wouldn't see me today. I am in this training till evening. Stuck here. She really wanted to see me. She was unsettled and disturbed last night. She told me that something bad was going to happen, she had that feeling. I dismissed it, and told her that she was tired and needs to sleep. She gave me the usual hugs and kisses and went offline. I know there was something disturbing her. I would have talked to her this evening, after this damn training. Why didn't she wait for me to listen to her. Just a few hours anyways.
Did she feel cold, when the railings touched her hands? Her last thought must have been about me. As she pulled herself above the railings, didn't she have the fleeting thought of being in my arms once again? I wish she had felt like running towards me instead of running towards the end. What did she feel as she left contact with any structure? Did she feel the air hit against her as she fought against the rising air. She is scared of heights, now I remember. So was she scared when she looked down? As she was descending the array of life, did she for an instant want to be caught, in my arms?
If only I could talk to her, be with her, she would have been sitting at her desk now, waiting for me to ping her. How could she do this? To herself, to me, to everyone.. I love her and yet, now.. she's gone.

The mind!

We go about the daily chores, things we are supposed to do, or are obligated to do. Somebody has employed us so we go to work, we are part of some family, so we have to be cognizant of their needs and expectations, we need to survive, so we eat, exercise, rest.. blah blah blah.. After a period of time, there comes a  moment, when you start feeling like a machine and that's when you feel like breaking free and doing something different. You just want to break the routine, something as simple as not go to office, or eat something else for a change.. yes ! that's the word.. for a change..!
What you are pleasing in the process, is the mind. The mind is the supreme leader. It has the power to control everything you do, think, act. It plays on emotions, and feeds on its ego. The mind needs to win, in some form or the other, in situations, with people, in life. The win could be small or big, just as long as it keeps winning, it keeps you going.
You would be dumb to think that you have complete control over your mind, the mind is the silent killer. It hides, when you wish to seek answers, it rumbles with thoughts when you want to shut them off.
Its my mind that drives me to write, even this word. So it seems like God created man, built in the mind and gave the control of the human to the mind. So what happens at death? Where does the mind go? Does it die? I don't think so. Like the body shrivels up and the bones remain, human life is done with, but the mind remains. Where? Well, that's a question I don't have an answer to. Maybe it wanders around us, is that what we call the spirit? Aah.. thoughts.. aah.. my mind!