Thursday, December 30, 2010


Moments of happiness, come by occasionally. The decide to drop in now and then. Just when you are engulfed in its cheer, some spark makes a quiet entry and turns everything upside down.

What do you do? Sulk and let the spark win over the good times, or after a tinge of sadness, brush aside the spark and catch on to the moment of happiness that decided to visit you?

Life is strange all the time. Just when you are getting happy, something strikes and leaves a vacuum giving you a mirage of hopeless despair. Like Life itself cannot go on. And my some wave of a magical wand, it bounces back and pushes you one step more, to follow its gait. The bouncing back is so sudden, that it does not give you any room to think. One just has to dance to the tune it plays.

Life, holds all the strings to Life. It knows when to pull the strings, when to let them loose. Life knows everything and I, a mere puppet dancing to its tunes, hoping to gain control of the reigns, so that I can pull the strings... Some distant day in the future, life will hand over the strings to me, for me to play the chords, for me to sway in its tune, for me to pull the strings, for me to let them loose.. someday..

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Memoirs from my travel

Dec 17, 2010

I pick up my suitcase, this time a big one, and make a journey again. This time from the east coast of America to the west coast. From Indiana to Arizona. From home to home. I am travelling not on a vacation, but still on a vacation. Vacation from stress. But working remotely. I will have to support the testing effort that is going on in my project. But that is not a load, when compared to the 2 weeks of time off from daily stress. I don’t have to wake up at 7 am to get the kids ready. Don’t have to drop Nitin to school, needn’t worry about cleaning the house or the laundry. It’s a time to rethink, and reinvent the me, gradually getting lost in the daily chores of life.
I am boarding the US Airways flight 639 to Phoenix. My sons sitting beside me and mother behind me. My younger brat is flapping his hands, like a bird just as the airplane wheels away to take off to the skies. He thinks his flapping made the airplane fly. Such innocence! Where are all these people going? Everyone has a story, and there are so many stories to tell.
I open my book – Danielle Steel – Family Ties. It is after many months that a book has landed in my hands. 3 hrs 45 minutes of flying time and 220 pages read. I am impressed with myself.

Dec 20, 2010
The book is over, and now I am at a different destination. Tucson. 2 days with friends at Phoenix was good. Nitin had an awesome time with his friend Diya, he was seeing after 3 years.
Kids at his age adapt so easily to new environments. It is us adults who carry this fear of change. Why do we have to move from one place to the other like nomads. Just when you have made your friends, unpacked everything and start to form bonds, it is time to leave again in search of a new destination. Wish life was still at one place.

Dec 23, 2010
I am moving again tomorrow morning to Phoenix. Another move.  Back home at Carmel, it is snowing and snowing and snowing. My backyard must be full of snow, 3 inches maybe. The Christmas tree full of lights is twinkling. There are lights adorning the trees outside my house. It must be beautiful. Am I missing home? Yes and no. Maybe. The mind always runs behind things that are not at hand. Silly mind.
Well this Christmas, is to be spent at a friend’s place. All the gifts wrapped will be placed under the tree on the night of the 24th. Like how my son told me the other day ‘There is no Santa Amma’. I asked him, then who brings the presents, he pointed his little finger at me and said ‘you’. My 6 year old understands that. My Nitin, who I often feel thinks beyond his age at times; in understanding the circumstances.
Then there’s the little brat – his new dialogue ‘it’s just not my lucky day today’.
Once a year you should take a vacation with friends close to your heart, more on the fun side. The people in this world with whom I would take such a vacation would be my dear buddies, Chichu and Renju. The threesome, oh what fun! There is absolutely no moment to frown.
There is fun all around when there are minimum expectations from you and you don’t have to worry about pleasing everyone. Why can’t everyone just take life as simple as possible, instead of complicating it with emotions and feelings and heavy words? Just sway along with the wind. Life will take its course. When there are expectations that you should behave in a certain way, and then you bring in tweaks to the ‘you’. When you bring in the tweaks, ‘you’ is in imbalance. When ‘you’ is in imbalance, the mind wavers. Then one has no idea what one is thinking or doing. If I get a magic wand and am granted three wishes, one of them would be to take away expectations one has from others around.

May the balance be with you. :-)


the simplicity of life
beckons upon me
the stress now away in the distance
the thoughts simple
the words now simple
just sway in the winds of time
leading the way for you
no thought of whys
no room for thoughts
just pass by
the sunsets
one by one
the simplicity of life
beckons upon me
and draws me
to yesteryears
where we were young
with no qualms about relationships
the simplicity of life
brings a thought
of why there was room
for all the million thoughts
for the years of a thousand sunsets
that went unnoticed
hidden behind the walls of stress.

Friday, December 3, 2010


The sunflowers around the corner of 116th St and Gray Rd at Carmel are in full bloom. As I drive by them every morning they wake up, smiling and looking at the sun, radiating the freshness of a new day. The vegetable patch behind the sunflowers are ready for harvest. In a few days the sunflowers will start looking down, losing their freshness and life; and as if by cue, the cold mist will start building up, adding a touch of hazy romance to the air. Just after that the wind will start getting colder.

This was a few months ago. Now the trees are all barren. All the leaves have fallen, every leaf that can fall has fallen and has been raked. The fir trees however are waiting, maybe pointing a little upwards, to be drenched in a white sheath.

Carmel, never fails to inspire me to write. This place has brought me closer to nature. Has taught me to appreciate the serenity of the lakes - frozen and still. The trees - in full bloom, barren and radiating colours. The houses, all from a fairy tale, maybe if I open the door, I can see a princess waiting for prince charming. Its beautiful, everything about this place is beautiful.

Just as the trees and place is waiting, I am waiting for those little flurries to touch my face. Where I will seek the warmth of my gloves and coats. The icy wind will drive a shiver through my spine, but the white winter will be a feast for my eyes.

While I write this, the flurries decide to come down and kiss the face of earth. By morning, they would have accumulated to make Carmel more beautiful.

Fallen leaves

The leaves have all fallen
The trees, are they happy or sad
Happy to start anew
Sad that they lost their leaves
And the gruesome winter is going to bite them hard
The leaves have fallen
But the trees stand with open arms
To be drenched when the white rain falls
And when all the flurries are gone
The leaves will take birth
Once again, to sway in the winds.